The Ins and Outs of Toxic Positivity

Goooood morning to the girls, gays, theys, and my dudes ... I'm back with a mental health post (because let's be real, 2020 was a shitshow and 2021 will not magically become easier). Over the last few weeks of winter break, I've been thinking a lot about today's post topic. I remember talking to a close friend months ago about how we had both experienced this type of behavior, and she encouraged me to write about it (so here we are).

Doing the research for this was quite alarming, to say the least. Hundreds of articles, maybe more, had been posted in 2020 alone about this specific subject, almost like pandemic clockwork. Toxic positivity catalyzes depression and anxiety while simultaneously suppressing emotions. For those that have experienced bouts of tox pos talk directed towards them, you know how invalidating it is. For those who have displayed toxic positivity themselves: we've all done it, whether we want to admit it or not. Some (but not all) of the articles failed to consider the point of view of the person displaying the toxic behavior at a deeper level, and from what we know, the talker is more often than not trying to suppress or avoid negative emotion (which in itself is a behavior linked to mental illness).

In this sense, toxic positivity is a battle on both fronts. I wanted to put together a few things that you can do to help create a better environment for yourself, as well as those around you, while actively combatting the toxicity. Sincerity is scary, but ultimately worth it in the long run. Cheers to choosing kindness in 2021 :)

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be honest with yourself

Putting on a mask (metaphorically this time) of positivity can be exhausting and lead to burnout. When it comes to healing and feeling, it is most important to be completely open and honest with yourself. You can keep your thoughts completely to yourself if you want to, or you can vent to someone close to you about your experience and ideas about your feelings.

(if possible), state your pov

When you're explaining a situation to someone and they hit you with a toxic positive statement that does not sit right with you, do not be afraid to speak up and tell them that what they said is a type of statement that doesn't help the situation at all. Focusing on how their comment makes you feel and giving them an alternative ("I'd feel more understood if you asked me how you could help instead of saying that things could be worse").

recognize your strengths

Instead of trying to "focus on the good" and block out whatever is causing stress, sadness, angst, etc. try and focus instead on the strengths that you have that can help you to get through the tough situation. Try and write a few "I am" statements to get the ball rolling, and hold on to the ones that feel the most meaningful to you.

be present

It's important to stay as grounded as possible within the most difficult times, as well as during someone else's hardships. Being present allows for an exchange of energy between you and whatever the thing is - meaning that you're not only aware of the situation, but you're letting your feelings flow naturally and without judgement.

remember your journey

Before the pandemic started, many of us were in very different relationships, work positions, physical homes, etc. and things changed rapidly. Remember that projected toxic positivity is often generalized. You have a history of your own - experiences and past traumas and feelings all wrapped up inside of you. It can't be changed, and won't be compared.

cut the crap

At the end of it all, you deserve to be around people who will support, encourage, and empathize with you. Those who try to diminish your light or pretend that everything is rainbows and butterflies are in the wrong, and you have the power to decide how much time you spend with them. The people you surround yourself with reflect a part of how you treat yourself - make sure you're choosing wisely.

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It's all about creating that safe space for yourself and for others through intent, followed by action. When you recognize the toxicity in someone else's overly-positive demeanor, or even your own, hopefully the little tools above can help to put things into perspective. Got any more toxic positivity tips? You know where to find me!

Until Next Time,

Anna xxx